Along with red lipstick and a facial expression of slight arousal, I wear my seamed stockings every day. They stylishly combat the whole blue legs poking out of your pencil skirt issue. Plus vertical stripes are slimming and my big fat calves are grateful for any optical illusion that narrows their heft.
Stockings vs. tights
Stockings, when worn with killer underwear and a suspender belt, have the ultimate vintage appeal. They may be labour-intensive to get into and slightly tricky to get out of, but they look sensational and authentic.
Tights are easier. You can buy them cheaply from ASOS. They’re less faff and less bumpy under your outfit and they do a good job of holding everything in, but they are also considerably less exciting than actual stockings.
My favourite is a pair of hold ups. Your exposed thighs mean you still feel saucy if you’re lucky enough to get caught in your underwear but the lack of suspenders means they don’t interfere too much with your silhouette and the crucial moment when you get undressed.
How not to get your seams in a twist
Nothing will destroy your facade of glamour quicker than sashaying away from someone and them noticing your seams are zig-zagging all over your legs. Here’s how to minimise the odds of your diva exit being destroyed by a pair of wonky stockings.
* When you first put them on make sure the Cuban heel is perfectly aligned and the top of the black triangle sits right on the centre of your ankle.
* Roll them up slowly and carefully, making sure you don’t snag them.
* Once your legs are encased, check your rear view. Ensure the seams are straight and wiggle into place as necessary.
* Throughout the day do a quick mirror check whenever you nip to the ladies. If you’re fine with looking vain, do it whenever you pass a reflective surface. This is especially important if you’re rushing about. The more you wander, the more your seams do.